My very serious case of spring fever has passed, and now my mind has turned to shower curtains, window treatments, and trying to find all my nicer towels. 
I also need a pair of durable boot laces.
I have also heard a filthy rumor that there’s now a Whataburger in Overland Park, Kansas.
Wow, that would save me [...]

I like this template a lot, but for some reason, it is not displaying my recent posts in order on the main page.  I’ve dicked around with the code enough to solve other problems (like the annoying feeds from Flickr and del.icio.us, and the fact that it only displayed one post on the main page), [...]

I am losing weight.  It’s fantastic.  I am losing it for my health, yeah, blah blah blah.  Sort of.  Really, I am losing it so I can more effectively leverage my looks in social and professional situations, at least from the present day until The Inevitable Botox Years.  Those years should be at least 10-15 [...]

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I have often remarked that my nightly dinners in Hell will consist of foods I hate: ham, peas, candied yams, grapefruit, bananas, gelatin of any kind… imagine my shock and horror at seeing this dish, which includes bananas wrapped in ham, an unidentified opaque sauce, and what appear to be pickled crab apples. 
I was born [...]

This olive-eyed snowman was found guarding the Massachusetts street entrance of the historic Eldridge Hotel. The hotel houses TEN, an upscale restaurant, and the Jayhawker bar. What you cannot see is that he is wearing surgical gloves.

 
Dear White Trash Breeders & Wanna-be Sushi-Eaters:

The server at the Japanese restaurant does NOT need to reheat your mewling infant’s jars of strained filth.  She certainly does not need to reheat them twice, because she didn’t get them warm enough for your screeching little parasite the first time you imposed upon her to do something [...]

Ciroc vodka, ice wine, prosecco and a grape.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve seen pet food ads and thought to yourself, “But how do they know it tastes good?”
I like to envision a row of taste testers in white lab coats, glancing furtively from side to side before doing the unthinkable. I have never been able to bring myself to try [...]

I ate a shit tonne of caviar at Breakfast Mountain today. I don’t even bother to put it on anything most of the time. I just shovel it into my face.
Hey, if you don’t want people to eat it, don’t put it out there. It’s a buffet. We don’t eat at [...]

My ex-mother-in-law was, and probably still is, the worst cook ever in the history of cooked food. Her turkey tasted like like weathered shake shingle, she served cold corn relish (which is vile even at the height of summer, but I digress) at Thanksgiving, her raisin walnut dressing was like antique shoe leather with chunks [...]