Dear White Trash Breeders & Wanna-be Sushi-Eaters:

1. The server at the Japanese restaurant does NOT need to reheat your mewling infant’s jars of strained filth.  She certainly does not need to reheat them twice, because she didn’t get them warm enough for your screeching little parasite the first time you imposed upon her to do something she does not and should not have to do.  You should keep that thing at home.  If it cannot chew raw squid, it doesn’t need to be there.
2. Your three ambulatory children should’ve been kept in their seats.  The screaming, cheering, and jumping off the benches near the wine racks became incredibly disruptive, and caused my brain to turn to MURDEROUS LAVA OF HATRED. 
3. I shushed your out-of-control litter because they were LOUD.  Have you ever heard of common courtesy?  Wait, stupid question.
4. Maybe you have heard of McDonald’s PlayPlace?  THAT IS WHERE YOU BELONG.  Not a semi-fancy sushi restaurant on a Saturday fucking night.  Can you even begin to imagine how many dates you ruined? 
5. Members of Quiverfull should stick to cow meat and fucking potatoes, i.e., MCDONALD’S.
6. Aggressive breeding means that you sacrifice things like fine Japanese dining, going to movies, and leaving the house. 
7. Dining out is my favorite thing.  I do not go out to restaurants because I want to remember preschool.  I go out to restaurants to enjoy food and conversation with friends.  Thinking about the entitlement issues your progeny are developing because you refuse to teach manners makes me want to lecture you with a blunt object.
8. Take your children to kid-friendly places.  They will have a better time and be less likely to crack their empty little heads open on wine bottles.
9. Try to remember that you are not the only people on earth.  Others may wish to have pleasant, adult dining experiences.  Since you refuse to corral your spawn or teach them about dignity, your brood does not belong in good restaurants.  Please stay the fuck home.

No love,

MBV.