I couldn’t stand it anymore. I got a new phone. It’s a Motorola WD40. Kidding, it’s a W490. It is the blackest of black phones, like the kind Hotblack Desiato would carry if he weren’t behind on his taxes and/or a fictional character.

I couldn’t take it. I was supposed to wait and wait for an iPhone, but I just couldn’t stand the thought of carrying my same dreadful little utilitarian blue and silver phone anymore. I am a gadget whore. I need a phone that moves my very soul. And while it ain’t no iPhone, this phone is satisfyingly black, and has a little green light on it, which is even better, because I love black and green together.

I mean, look at this website. See?

My new phone is glorious. My eye is twitching and my husband is talking about divining the future in entrails, but I’ll be asleep in five minutes, so it’s all good.