I went to the doctor this week. We all know how unforgiving doctor’s scales can be. Most of the nurses at my doctor’s office understand that most women do not want to be told the number of pounds that they weigh. I am not blind, I can see those chunks of steel being shoved across the notched metal beams. I can even read the numbers, provided I leave my eyes open.

I don’t know if this girl was new, or just stupid. SHE ANNOUNCED MY WEIGHT TO ME. IN CAPITAL LETTERS.

…

I KNOW! My blood pressure reading would’ve been even lower if she hadn’t PISSED ME OFF. It’s easy for me to sustain a withering glare for as long as it takes to KILL, but it does tend to elevate my vitals.

There is not a woman on earth who does not understand the enormous faux pas this wretched, ignorant little child committed. Well, except for HER.

WTF?

So, now, I am never eating anything ever again. It’s vodka and vitamin pills from here on out. And maybe the occasional leaf.

Bitch.